i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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