A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
