ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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