oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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