Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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