Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
