well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
