she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
