Three words: puerto rican gang bang
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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