haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
