she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
