the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bring me that man meat
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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