Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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