the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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