Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
