Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
