Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
