Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
