I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
