I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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