Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
