she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
