ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
