Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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