You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
