that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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