So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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