so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
