It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize