He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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