life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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