I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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