in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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