don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
