U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
