I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
worst night to have a conscience
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
