I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
