hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
