just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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