He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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