Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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