I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
