mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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