I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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