i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
