Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Your tits are I can't wait for
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
