Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
