shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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