3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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