Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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