big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He passed out mid-signature
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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