So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
