If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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