Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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