he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
