So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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