I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
