Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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