Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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