I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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