the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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