I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
