hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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