dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
