Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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