Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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