i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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