my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize