So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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