I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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