basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
