I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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