Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bring me that man meat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
