I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
