She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
worst night to have a conscience
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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