I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
